24 Hours alone in the Wilderness.
Three days after arriving in Georgia, my alarm is buzzing. Its 5:30am. I don’t want to do to this. Do I really have to do this?
I roll out of my warm bed, and double check that I have all of my needed gear. Hiking boots? Check. Filled nalgene’s. Check. Sleeping bag, tent, rain gear, head lamp. Check, check, check and check. I know nothing of what my next four days will look like, expect,
“We will be hiking and tent camping out in the woods for 4 days. Be prepared for lots of walking and primitive living conditions.”
Fast forward to a few hours later, and I’m out on the trail, in the foothills of the appalachian mountains. I’ve been given a large bag of trail mix, and told to make it last. This is my lunch for the next few days. I’m already exhausted from all of the crazy hustle and bustle of the days leading up to this trip. I just moved across the country after all! But I know that this will be good for me. I know that I will be challenged. I know that this will be hard. But I’m ready. I pumped myself up with Lacre this morning! Lets do this! I tried to imagine the worst possible, and told myself that it couldn’t possibly be any worse then that!
I was wrong.
We hiked for ten grueling hours that day. It rained most of the morning, and I remained wet the rest of the day. about eight hours in, I found myself hiking the trail alone. Caught somewhere between the front of the group and the back. My knee was flared up, killing me every time I moved it. My hips shot sharp pain through me every step. My thirty pound backpack seemed to weigh at least a hundred. My mind was racing with everything I had just left behind in Michigan. What was I doing here? What did I just get myself into?
“I am NOT going cry on the trail…I will NOT be that girl”… I probably cried for a good mile or so. And it wasn’t even because of my pain, or that fact that we still had a good, long ways to hike still. I can’t even explain it, but my mentors were right. There is just something about physical brokenness that brings about spiritual brokenness. Abba just totally wrecked me again. It seems he needs to do this with me on a regular basis.
“Make me to hear joy and gladness, let the bones which you have broken rejoice”
Psalm 51:8.
An hour and a half later, I was caught up with the rest of my team, and we were embarking on the last leg of our journey to our camp spot. The last leg proved to be the craziest yet. It was getting dark. We came to a small beach on the side of the river, and then the trail just ended. I faced the river, knowing behind be was nothing but a steep hill, with crazy thick trees, and vines. I looked hopelessly to Josh (Fellow CGA apprentice) for direction. “This way!” he exclaimed, as we carefully made up way up and along the hill. Over and under trees. Crawling on hands and knees at some points. It was dark now, and I couldn’t really see much of anything more then a few feet in front of me. “This is insane!” I said out loud laughing.
Finally we made it to our camp. Which was nothing more then A small clearing in the enchanted looking forest. We were next to the river, and I could hear the gentle rushing of the water. Thank you Jesus. We all slept under a tarp that night. But the next day, we started “Solo day”. Twenty-four hours alone to be with Jesus. I strapped my pack back on and headed a little deeper into the woods. Set up my tent, and crawled inside. I really had no idea what I’d do with my entire day. I had my bible, journal, water bottle and trail mix. Thats it.
“Okay Jesus, what do you want to do together today?”
It was the most beautiful time with the father. I rested in him. I mourned things that needed to be mourned. I surrendered everything again. I waited upon him. He just loved on me in crazy ways. He infused new dreams into me. Gave me freedom where I had set unnecessary boundaries in place, that were not of him. Then he brought me, once again to Ephesians, chapter one. Read this next part slowly, taking it all in.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
11 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.
15 For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, 16 I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance his holy people, 19 and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.
I just sat there and reread it. Over and over again. In such awe of who God is, and the unbelievable things that he’s done for us. The things that are available to us here and now! How often to we doubt ourselves, and fail to live out our full responsibilities, bringing the Kingdom here and now?? Jesus Christ, has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in Christ!
Night eventually came, and with it the darkness. And rain. Lots of rain. The rain started coming into my tent. I was alone. I couldn’t sleep. My anxiety started rising. I cried out to Abba.
“ You can do nothing apart from me, beloved.”
“ You can do nothing apart from me, beloved.”
“ You can do nothing apart from me, beloved.”
Now I challenge you. What are you trying to do on your own strength? What is Abba asking you to surrender? What do you need to put down, in order to pick up?
Ask Abba. He longs for it.
