How Dare You

“You don’t know the Lord intimately”. 

A lie I had heard repeated over and over again in my heart the past two weeks. They so perfectly aligned with what I was struggling through in this new season. This time of getting to know a new side of the fathers heart. A new side of his face. But I didn’t yet know this new part of his heart yet, and sometimes I struggled feeling as though I don’t know him at all anymore. Confession: Sometimes I still struggle.

“How dare you think you can led others into a life of intimacy with the father, when you don’t even know him yourself”.

Another lie, that felt like a twisted knife, dodging into the deepest places of my heart. I first realized the wording of these lies when I was snuggled up on my couch, spending my last few minutes before leaving for work, just sitting with the Father. 

“You don’t”   

“how dare you”.

That was someone accusing me, and that certainly wasn’t the voice of my papa. My warrior spirit kicked in, and I counter attacked these lies with truth.

“How dare YOU come at me, a daughter of the King, with those ratchet lies! I do know my father intimately, and he knows me!”

It’s then I felt my father, drawing me up into his strong arms. Welcoming me to rest my head upon his chest, so I could hear his heartbeat. I could feel him playing with my hair, as he spoke over me “I love you… I love you…I love you…I love you”. Over and over and over again. The steady rhythm filling me with strength. 

A few days later, as I sit sharing this story with my roommate, a grand revelation comes over me. “I love you” was his heart beat! He is love. His heartbeat is love, and it oozes out love for us, his beloved children!!!!! How blessed are we, when we draw near to him, and receive this great and glorious gift of love! Draw near to hear the unique beat of his heart pounding out ‘I love you…I love you…I love you’ just for you.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1st John 3:1 

To all the Wild and Free

To All The Wild and Free

I was riding passenger,  making my second pb&j of the day, flying southward down I-75. My eyes wandered up to the darkness that covered the earth, and the little red dots of brake lights all along the inerstate ahead of us. My mind drifted back to just a few hours before, as the sun was setting to my right, and I thought to myself the ways the Florida landscape reminded me of Africa. 

Sweet, sweet Africa. The soles of my feet first hit you at nineteen years of age. But I had dreamed of going since I was just a little girl. At twenty, I hadn't gotten enough, and I returned to you again.  Then once more, less then a month after my twenty-first birthday, I spent the spring living out in the bush of Swaziland. 

I'm not exactly sure when it happened,  but now, it stares me right back into my brown eyes every time I see my reflection. 

Freedom.

Wildness.

In the purest of forms. 

As my papa awakened my heart, my soul became fully alive, and new life sparkled, bursting fourth like the rising sun. But these things took place after action. Days of falling facedown in the presence of Jesus. Surrendering all at his feet. Deep sacrifice, and surrendered expectations. I had big dreams, I had deep desires, and I gave every last one to my King. 

He taught me how to remain in his love. He showed me the ways I was striving for things that were already mine., things already given to me. He brought to life the woman I was always meant to be. A woman of freedom.  A woman of wildness.  A kingdom gypsy. 

Now traveling, and adventures are among my favorite ways to spend time with abba. I consider road trips to be a close friend. 

It's in these times I feel his love for me.

It's in these times I feel his delight over me. 

It's in these times I feel fully alive. 

Sure, maybe my body is exhausted, I smell, my hair is a mess, and my lips are chapped. But my soul is so alive and thriving.

There's something beatiful he created in us, this rare bread of humankind. We've tasted the thrill, rush, and excitement of this life of freedom. Lost in wild abandonment. 

I feel him in the power of the waves, as I'm overtaken in the Indian Ocean. 

I see him in the toothless grin of a man living in the slums. 

I hear him in the songbirds of the rainforest. 

But at the end of it all,  conquering a mountain, and crossing into south Africa is not all there is. 

Swimming with sharks and sting rays won't fully satisfy me. 

Jumping off cliffs won't fulfill my innermost being. 

Because, Jesus himself is my crazy, wild, and free.

Losing myself in his look of love for me is my song. His voice speaking tenderly over me is my melody.  I'm running faster, flying higher then ever before, never looking back. The only place I desire to go, and the only place I dream of going is deeper into his heart.

Let us not ever forget, great ones, that intimacy with our beloved creator, King, and friend is the greatest adventure anyone could ever dream up, ask for, or imagine. 

In the woods with daddy.

In the woods with daddy.

The past couple of days, I have had the pure honor of sitting in on teachings from a Strong and mighty warrior of the Lord. It’s in these talks that the Lord used him to wreck my world, and my view point of fear.

FEAR.

Isn’t that something, if we were completely honest, we would have to admit we all struggle with? There are all kinds of fear, and it comes in may forms. The fear of man, (aka, what other people think of me). The fear of failure, the fear of jumping off that cliff and into the unknown, on and on it can go.

But you know what? Fear is nothing but a filthy liar! As a daughter of the King of heaven, fear is not mine to pick up. “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”. 2nd Timothy 1:7. Fear is a weapon that the enemy loves to use against us. It causes us to stand still, to take a step back from fighting in the spiritual realms. It puts us in a position of handing control over to him. 

I grew up with the most incredible dad, who just happens to love hunting. I’ve spent countless hours in hunting blinds with him, out in the thick of the northern Michigan woods. When you deer hunt, you wait until after the world has fallen dark to leave the blind, taking the trek back to the car. My dad has no fear of the dark woods. None. 

As a little girl, this spoke volumes to me. As long as I was with him in those dark places, I wasn’t afraid either. He was right there by my side, holding my hand, guiding me in the right direction. I had confidence in him, that even if we were to get attacked by a bear, my dad had a weapon at his side, and he knew how to use it. He wasn’t about to let anything happen to me.

When Christ was resurrected from the grave, he conquered death, and plundered the gates of hell, stripping it of all it’s weapons.

Colossians 2:15 says “In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities (of their power). He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross”. (NLT) Another version says that Jesus “stripped the principalities and the powers”. 

Last night, I was awoken at 3am, and fear threatened to surround me. I knew that this was a turning point. I had the choice to stand my ground and fight this, putting into action all of these notes and wisdom I’ve been taught this last week, or I could give in to the enemy and his lies, allowing myself to be held captive under the lie of fear.

I cried out to the Lord for his strength, and he brought to my heart all of those times I was out in the dark woods with my dad. Abba wasn’t afraid. He told me that I was a big girl, and even though he wasn’t holding my hand, I had to rely on him in faith. Although I couldn’t “feel him” he stood right there next to me, he was within me. 

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you”. James 4:7 Fear now becomes our weapon to use against the enemy, Scripture promises are our sword.

This is my declaration, and I invite you to join me in this, that I will no longer allow the enemy to use the lie of fear over me. He who is in me is stronger than him who is in this world, and it is not me who should be afraid, but him! I have been given the brave and courageous spirit of a warrior. He has given me his complete armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) and I will choose to put on and clothe myself in his truths.