To all the Wild and Free

To All The Wild and Free

I was riding passenger,  making my second pb&j of the day, flying southward down I-75. My eyes wandered up to the darkness that covered the earth, and the little red dots of brake lights all along the inerstate ahead of us. My mind drifted back to just a few hours before, as the sun was setting to my right, and I thought to myself the ways the Florida landscape reminded me of Africa. 

Sweet, sweet Africa. The soles of my feet first hit you at nineteen years of age. But I had dreamed of going since I was just a little girl. At twenty, I hadn't gotten enough, and I returned to you again.  Then once more, less then a month after my twenty-first birthday, I spent the spring living out in the bush of Swaziland. 

I'm not exactly sure when it happened,  but now, it stares me right back into my brown eyes every time I see my reflection. 

Freedom.

Wildness.

In the purest of forms. 

As my papa awakened my heart, my soul became fully alive, and new life sparkled, bursting fourth like the rising sun. But these things took place after action. Days of falling facedown in the presence of Jesus. Surrendering all at his feet. Deep sacrifice, and surrendered expectations. I had big dreams, I had deep desires, and I gave every last one to my King. 

He taught me how to remain in his love. He showed me the ways I was striving for things that were already mine., things already given to me. He brought to life the woman I was always meant to be. A woman of freedom.  A woman of wildness.  A kingdom gypsy. 

Now traveling, and adventures are among my favorite ways to spend time with abba. I consider road trips to be a close friend. 

It's in these times I feel his love for me.

It's in these times I feel his delight over me. 

It's in these times I feel fully alive. 

Sure, maybe my body is exhausted, I smell, my hair is a mess, and my lips are chapped. But my soul is so alive and thriving.

There's something beatiful he created in us, this rare bread of humankind. We've tasted the thrill, rush, and excitement of this life of freedom. Lost in wild abandonment. 

I feel him in the power of the waves, as I'm overtaken in the Indian Ocean. 

I see him in the toothless grin of a man living in the slums. 

I hear him in the songbirds of the rainforest. 

But at the end of it all,  conquering a mountain, and crossing into south Africa is not all there is. 

Swimming with sharks and sting rays won't fully satisfy me. 

Jumping off cliffs won't fulfill my innermost being. 

Because, Jesus himself is my crazy, wild, and free.

Losing myself in his look of love for me is my song. His voice speaking tenderly over me is my melody.  I'm running faster, flying higher then ever before, never looking back. The only place I desire to go, and the only place I dream of going is deeper into his heart.

Let us not ever forget, great ones, that intimacy with our beloved creator, King, and friend is the greatest adventure anyone could ever dream up, ask for, or imagine. 

Arise, my love

Arise, my love.

I recently came across a quote, and it made me shutter inside.

“We live like zombies.

 We wake up,

 carry out habits,

and go to sleep.

Only to wake up

 and do it again.

You exist,

but do you feel alive?”.

“This isn’t right!” I wanted to scream. This is not how Abba has created us to live, walking around like zombies?  But when I took a step back, this is how the vast majority of us live. I look at our families, our city, our nation, and my heart breaks. We walk around this earth tired, hurting, broken. It’s as though we drift through this life asleep.

I look back at my own life, and remember. I remember the emptiness of boring, daily routines. I felt like it was slowly killing me. I could be around people all day, but still feel so alone. My days were filled with small talk. People at work asking “how are you?” as I passed them in the hallways. They never even stopped walking. 

I knew Jesus. I had a relationship with him. He kept calling me to go deeper with him, and I kindly put him in a box,  holding him at a comfortable length. Where I didn’t have to surrender anything, and I still held all of the control. I felt like I was in a season of waiting. Waiting for what? I didn’t really know. But I knew that there had to be more. I felt like one of the disney princesses, waiting around for my life to begin.

Then, I fell madly in love with Jesus. His love for me lead me to surrender, and from that surrender came freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom. 

He kissed my forehead and awakened my soul.

Now I am fully alive! I have daily adventures, just by being with him. I know exactly who I am. I grasp the royalty that I am, as His daughter. I live in freedom and grace. I glow with the radiance he gives. I shine under the delight he bestows upon me. I know the love he has for me. 

Then, this morning, I was reading one of my favorite passages of scripture. It comes from Isaiah 60 and it reads;

“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.

Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn…

 Then you will look and be radiant,
    your heart will throb and swell with joy.

Papa showed me something that I hadn’t paid any special attention to before. His first call is to arise. Wake up sleeper! It’s the gentle and loving kiss on your forehead from your daddy, as your all snuggled up in your own comforts. He’s calling you to get up! Get out of this zombie funk you’ve fallen into. 

Awaken your soul to His love. Awaken your spirit to live this life! Then, oh only then dear one will you shine. Because His light has come, its here! 

Can’t you hear him?

 “Arise, my love. It’s time to awaken, it’s time to live”.

    

21 great things things about being twenty-one.

21 great things things about being twenty-one.

Two days after turning twenty one, I was laying on my bedroom floor, dreaming with Jesus. He told me that this next year was going to be a crazy adventure. 

He did not disappoint. 

This year past year has been a crazy ride. From living in Africa, to moving to Georgia. I have fully stepped into myself, into who he has created me to be. I have been set free. I have overcome so many fears.

I have become the woman I have always dreamed of becoming.

It is all because of Jesus, and I will take that as one of the best birthday gifts I could ever ask for. But what are some of the awesome things that happened this year? I’ve narrowed it down to 21.

1. Bringing in the new year with friends, in the old streets of downtown Traverse City.  We froze our bootys off with the temperature hovering in the single digits. But it was worth every minute.  

2. Meeting Kenzie. My friend, my new sister, “my person”.

 It was only a day after meeting you at training camp, we hadn’t even said ten words to each other yet. But somehow I just knew you’d be as weird and as crazy as I am, and I told you so.

3. Waking up in Johannesburg, South Africa. The sun warmly drifted through the window, onto my face.  I slowly awoke, and smiled. I was in South Africa. This was a dream come true.

4. Living in Swaziland, Africa. It was like being on a honeymoon with Jesus, and it was all a dream come true. 

5. Getting picked up on the side of the road, and riding in the back of a pickup truck, flying down the highway (Swaziland).

Yes, it was crazy. Yes, we almost died. Yes, it was awesome. 

6. Seeing a giraffe in a field, as we casually drove past (Swaziland).  Apologies again to my teammates for my loud squeal of pure joy.  But seriously, it was so great.    

7. Holding those precious african children, as they fell asleep on me almost everyday (Swaziland). One of the best things ever.

8.  Worshiping under the vast blanket of African stars. You really can’t beat it…

9. Receiving approx. 100 marriage proposals. (Swaziland).

It was really rather awkward in the moment, but they make for good stories now!

10.  Playing in the waves of the indian Ocean, at St. Lucia beach (South Africa). That was one of the best days of my life. 

11. Living in community with my “Swazi family”. I had the most amazing teammates. Doing daily life with them, serving along side of them day after day. It was an amazing privilege.

12. Receiving my Swati name (Swaziland). My Swati name is Buhle, and it means “beauty”. Its pronounced kinda like “boo-jay” only, you kinda stick your tongue out when you say it.

13. That African safari through Kroger National Park (South Africa).  Elephants, Zebras, giraffes, Lions, oh my! 

14. Stepping off of that airplane, and being welcomed back home by an airport full of people that I love. 

You all sure do know how to make a girl feel loved.

15. Spending my summer in Northern Michigan.

Sun, lakes, small towns all along lake Michigan. There’s no place like home.

16. Visiting in Indiana. 

I had the privilege of staying with an amazing family in northern Indiana for a couple of weeks in July, and they spoiled the living day lights outta me. 

17. The road trip down to Georgia.

I got to travel down to my new house with my momma. It was fantastic.

18. Living on my own (Georgia).

Miss independent. Need I say more?

19. Doing life with my Georgia community.

These people are amazing, and I am so blessed to call them my friends. To be challenged, encouraged, and loved by them. 

20. All of the opportunities I get to lead worship (Georgia).

It is a pure honor to gather with other believers, leading them in praising our King.

21. Exploring the grand adventures of the future Abba has for me, daily.

My twenty first year was the best one yet, and I can’t wait to see what’s to come for my twenty second!

Why getting married isn’t enough for me.

Why getting married isn’t enough for me.

I grew up with the dream of getting married, having babies and being a mom. I mean, my mom and my grandma married young, so I just assumed the same would happen for me. I thought that my calling in life was to be a wife and a mother. 

But when high school graduation rolled around, no perspective husbands were lurking about, and I failed to find any college majors in “mommy hood”.  

Since then, and I’ve grown in more ways then I could ever count, and I've learned a few things about myself. 

 It’s not enough for me in life to just be married.

Let me explain.

I believe that marriage and motherhood is the most beautiful and precious thing. I believe that it’s the Lords design, and it’s something I still want and desire. 

But thats not my life calling. 

This is my life calling:

“Inspiring and leading others into a life of intimacy

   with the Father where they will discover their 

         full potential, freedom, and adventure”.

My life’s calling is so much bigger then what I had deemed it to be. It’s about bringing His kingdom to earth, its about proclaiming His love, His freedom, His life, and who He says that we are! It is this calling that covers every aspect of my life. In singleness, in marriage, in motherhood. 

Marriage is such a temporary thing for here in this life.  As John Piper says

“Marriage is meant (marriage exists) to display the covenant between Christ and his church”. 

Yes, I still dream of being married. But I have bigger dreams for my life then to be married, just for the sake of being married. I dream of being a husband and wife team, on fire for the Lord together. Being as one mind and soul, doing crazy, radical things for His Kingdom here on earth.

But there are ways I can better display this convent as a single woman now, then a married woman ever could. for example;

“She will bear witness that relationships in Christ are more permanent and precious then relationships in families. If she can leave her family without bitterness and regret, and build into the family of  God and build into His kingdom, then she will find treasures better then she ever dreamed of and flower her womanhood in such amazing and unique ways beyond anything you've ever imagined. She also bears witness to the truth that marriage is temporary, and finally gives way in the end to the relationship that it was pointing to all along.” (My notes taken from the podcast “the ultimate meaning of true womanhood -John Piper).

 Marriage is not the main thing.

 It's momentary. 

Jesus Christ is forever.