All The Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies. 

{for the love of being single}.

I see you. I see you as you flip through your newsfeed, and sigh as yet another one of your friends is engaged. Yet another one of your married friends are having a baby. I feel your pain, I share in your longing. I understand the desires of your heart. Those dreams, deep inside of the most vulnerable parts of your soul.Those holy, pure and beautiful dreams. 

I hear your cry, in the dead of night, when you can't fight them any longer, and the emptiness of your bed is more then you can take. I know those angry and confused prayers that you finally break down and pray. I know the frustration. I know the feelings of rejection that comes and attack your identity. I know the hopelessness that sneaks in. I know the lies you hear. I know the insecurities that gnaw at you. Is there decent good men left out there? Let alone a righteous man of God. 

I know, because I'm right there beside you. Fighting the same fight. 

In a moment of hot, angry tears, fresh heartbreak, and major frustration. The elephant in the room came in the form of my unanswered question, and it just seemed to hang there. I wasn’t so sure I wanted the answer anyhow. Yet still, my heart asked for me.

“God, Why am I single?” 

So began my beautiful, eye opening journey of learning heavens perspective. 

Maybe the reason you are single is not because you’re “not pretty enough”. Maybe it’s not because you are “too much”. Maybe the reason you are single is not because you’re “fat”. Maybe it’s not because of any of the things you thought.

What if you find yourself single in this season of life because everything about you is amazing?

What if you are single right now because you have been called into glorious purpose?

What if the Lord is giving you this precious gift of time and freedom?

What if the King of kings set you apart for such a time as this?

What if there is something distinct about this season of singleness that the Lord is calling you into?

What if singleness is a vocation given by God, to be cherished, enjoyed, and to be faithful with?

What if singleness is a gift after all?

"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13

Lead Me To The Cross

Lead Me To The Cross.

Something had changed. Things were different. What? I didn’t know, I couldn’t figure it out.

All I knew was that I couldn’t feel him anymore. 

I was struggling to hear him. 

I was struggling to find words to pray. 

It felt as though he had turned the water faucet off, and I was suddenly dying of thirst in the desert. 

I knew he was still with me.

I knew that his love for me was still present.

I just couldn’t see it quite the way I could before.

I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt like a hella hot mess. 

Things were physically being stripped from me, left and right. 

Love and joy were things I had to chose and fight for, daily. Hourly.

I didn’t understand anything that was going on with me.

I was on a major struggle roller coaster. 

Then, a few nights ago I had this intense dream.

It was set back in old Roman times, and I watched it all unfold before me.

A husband came to his wife, and told her that she was to be crucified. CRUCIFIED.

She fully submitted, without question, and followed him. Followed him to her death.

I awoke troubled. I knew that this dream was something spiritual, as the Lord often speaks to me through my dreams of the night. But what it meant, I wasn’t quite sure. 

Later the following day, I had the privilege of helping lead worship for a group of young people about to be sent out to the nations on three month long mission trips. It was during worship that the Lord downloaded some throne room perceptive to me on my crazy dream. 

There are things that I need to die to.

I need to die to myself, and give up my control to the Holy Spirit.

Again.

Deeper then ever before this time.

This was an answer to my prayers of wanting more of him, prayers of wanting to go deeper. It was a beautiful representation, of a husband and wife relationship, the love and intimacy that is present. The leadership and head of a husband, and the way Jesus leads me. The way of a wife, and how he has called us to submit to him.

Its a painful process.

It involves grieving, surrendering, losing control.

Honestly, I’m not fully there yet. 

But I want to be there.

And by his amazing grace, love and mercy, I will get there.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”. Galatians 2:20

Why getting married isn’t enough for me.

Why getting married isn’t enough for me.

I grew up with the dream of getting married, having babies and being a mom. I mean, my mom and my grandma married young, so I just assumed the same would happen for me. I thought that my calling in life was to be a wife and a mother. 

But when high school graduation rolled around, no perspective husbands were lurking about, and I failed to find any college majors in “mommy hood”.  

Since then, and I’ve grown in more ways then I could ever count, and I've learned a few things about myself. 

 It’s not enough for me in life to just be married.

Let me explain.

I believe that marriage and motherhood is the most beautiful and precious thing. I believe that it’s the Lords design, and it’s something I still want and desire. 

But thats not my life calling. 

This is my life calling:

“Inspiring and leading others into a life of intimacy

   with the Father where they will discover their 

         full potential, freedom, and adventure”.

My life’s calling is so much bigger then what I had deemed it to be. It’s about bringing His kingdom to earth, its about proclaiming His love, His freedom, His life, and who He says that we are! It is this calling that covers every aspect of my life. In singleness, in marriage, in motherhood. 

Marriage is such a temporary thing for here in this life.  As John Piper says

“Marriage is meant (marriage exists) to display the covenant between Christ and his church”. 

Yes, I still dream of being married. But I have bigger dreams for my life then to be married, just for the sake of being married. I dream of being a husband and wife team, on fire for the Lord together. Being as one mind and soul, doing crazy, radical things for His Kingdom here on earth.

But there are ways I can better display this convent as a single woman now, then a married woman ever could. for example;

“She will bear witness that relationships in Christ are more permanent and precious then relationships in families. If she can leave her family without bitterness and regret, and build into the family of  God and build into His kingdom, then she will find treasures better then she ever dreamed of and flower her womanhood in such amazing and unique ways beyond anything you've ever imagined. She also bears witness to the truth that marriage is temporary, and finally gives way in the end to the relationship that it was pointing to all along.” (My notes taken from the podcast “the ultimate meaning of true womanhood -John Piper).

 Marriage is not the main thing.

 It's momentary. 

Jesus Christ is forever.

Dream bigger, Beloved.

Dream bigger, Beloved.

“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.” – James Allen

Dream: An idea or vision that is created in your imagination.

We tend to under spiritualize our dreams and imaginations. Do you not know that God is the very one who gave us this extravagant gift! He places kingdom dreams inside of us, and entrusts us to carry them out. He puts His dreams and desires in our hearts. Do you realize how insane this is?! Jesus told us that we are His body. We are His body here on earth. It is through us that he accomplishes His glorious will! It is into you that the Father desires to infuse His dreams. 

 “Now you are the body of Christ, and individual members of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:27

Dreaming is such a beautiful and terrifying thing to do. To combine your thoughts, desires and deepest longings, all twisted up into this mental photograph of what your life could be. What you could accomplish. Where you could go. But there is always something staring right back into our faces when we allow our hearts to be free to dream.

F E A R

We're afraid. Afraid we’ll fail, afraid our dreams might not come true. Afraid to step out out of tightly knitting comfort zones. We look at our life, who we are, at our lack of money and resources, and we stand frozen in fear. It’s risky. We’re filled with so much doubt. But fear is a filthy liar! Fear holds us back from accomplishing the very things the Father created for us to do! 

People tell us to dream smaller. Be realistic, safe.  “Go to college, get married and settle down with a job that will make you enough money to be finically stable.” That’s how our society tells us to live our lives. I’m not saying that these are bad things. But what if He created us for more then this status quo??? 

The entire bible is filled with story after story of people dreaming big dreams. Dreams that were so far beyond themselves, God would have to come through in order for them to happen. The entire New Testament is filled with page after page of Christ’s followers living crazy, radical, and adventurous lives! So what happened to the church, that we settled into such comfortable, easy, predicable life’s? When did we stop dreaming? We did we start settling? 

Last week, the teacher of our “Dangerous Jesus” class, packed all thirty plus of us CGA students into a small closed room and told us to sit down. In his hand he held a full water bottle, with the cap on. While talking to us, he used exaggerated hand motions, swinging the filled water bottle all around. He said that the water in the bottle represented the Holy Spirit inside of us. But we put limitations on Him, because we live our lives “with the cap on”. 

Then he opened the water bottle, and the whole atmosphere of the room changed. Suddenly he held in his hands a lot of power. 

It clicked inside of me, and I gained an even deeper freedom to dream big. Jesus is living inside of me! He has given me the Holy Spirit! I hold the Kingdom of God within me! I am a daughter of the King of Kings! This gives me every right to dream big, crazy, radical and insane dreams! Sometimes I just sit with Jesus and we dream together. I think I dream pretty big. But I just feel His joyful laugher wash over me, as he tells me “Dream bigger, beloved! …  Bigger! … Bigger still!”

So, I challenge you too, child of the most high God, 

Dream bigger.

Photo credit: Three Nails Photography. 

    

Eight ways I spent time with Jesus

Eight ways I spend time with Jesus.

"Downloads from Heaven are remarkable

 if you feel the heartbeat of Heaven and know what it is to be ruined by how much God loves all people on this earth,

 good and bad. The Father's heart is for humankind. His heart, if you have ever been to that intimate place and felt it beat for the lost, ruins your life…

The secret place is where we soak in His presence and hang out with God.

As desperate as you may be for his tangible presence, striving is not rest, so just rest in Him.Relax, breathe in his holy spirit, and let everything out".

-Beni Johnson,  Beautiful one, A walk with deeper intimacy with the one who created us.

Growing up in the church, I thought that I had a pretty good idea of what devotiontime was "suppose" to look like .

 It wasn't until this past year that God began to really reveal to me the vast diversity in His relationships with his other sons and daughters,
and how my relationship with Him was to be super unique.

  

I wanted to encourage, and really describe what my daily, set aside time with Him may look like.

Somedays it's all of these ways. Normally its a combination.

  

This is by no means a complete list. 

But these are some of the main ways I spend intimate time with my Beloved, Jesus.

  

1. Worship.

"Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus,

 let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire!"

Hebrews 12:28-29

I learned a long time ago that worship isn't about me. It's about praising the Holy of Holys.

Giving what is due to His Majestic name. His mercies are new every morning! Our God is a freaking consuming fire! I try to make worship a top priority everyday.

And when I say "worship" I'm talking, locked in a room. Completely alone. 

Sitting and belting my heart out to my King. Pouring out my everything at His feet.

2. Prayer.

"Pray without ceasing"

 -1st Thess 5:17

Prayer is nothing more then talking to God. How absolutely incredible is it that we can freely communicate with the King of Heaven and earth whenever, and wherever we are?! I pray we never take that lightly.

While praying, and being in consistent communication with the Lord all through out my day is so important.

 I also set aside special times to enter into a committed, and focused time of prayer.

 This is where I act as a intercessor for the broken, and hurting.

When I lay out my praise for Him. 

I lay out my requests, burdens, and I pray on behalf of my family and friends.

3. Listening prayer.

"My children will listen to my voice"

-Jesus, John 10:16

Listening prayer is where you go off by yourself, quiet your heart and mind, and wait to hear from heaven.

 It's different from my regular times of prayer.

 This is me sitting silent before the throne room of God. Expecting, waiting. 

This takes time, patience, and discipline to learn. Sometimes you feel as though nothing happens. But it is SO worth it. All of it!
 Because The Lord promises that we will find him, when we seek him

with all of our hearts. (Jer 29:13-14). 

This is where we learn to hear the heartbeat of heaven. The sound of Heaven touching earth.

4. Resting.

"Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience"

Hebrew 4:9-11.

"My soul finds rest in God alone"

Psalm 62:1  

I go and rest in the presence of God almighty. Simple as that.

It's a time of refreshment, and rejoicing in who God is, and how he feels towards me. I just feel him loving on me like crazy during these times. 

Usually its so peace filled that I fall asleep, or "Taking A nap with Jesus" as I like to call it.

Rest in His love, His peace. Let the King of Glory play with your hair.

5. Reading/Studying  the bible.

"How can A young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you: let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."

Psalm 119:9-10

"Let our hearts be filled with the word of God. Let our eyes be fixed upon the word of God."

-Matthew Henrys Concise Commentary

These are the very words of life. This is where I learn of God's heart, His character. His plan,

and his ways. I learn of His love for me, and His heart for the lost, and the hurting.

These are the words of the Lord, they direct my very life.

Not only do I read it. I study it, memorize it, drink it up, meditate upon it. 

Daily. 

6. Listening to Podcasts.

"Give me understanding that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart, 

lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it."

Psalm 119:34-35

Along with studying directly from God's word, I also love to snuggle up, and listen to a good podcast,

 filled with powerful truths. This is by no means a replacement for church.

But, it is an amazing tool for my continued growth, and pursuit of righteousness.

I especially love to use them along side my personal bible study, when I'm studying a specific topic, 

or portion of Scripture. Plus, they're totally free! (can't beat that!)

7. Journaling.

"But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed a wearisome task,

until I went into the sanctuary of God."

Psalm 73:16-18 

I'm not talking about the "dear diary, I love JC from NSYNC" kind of stuff that I wrote when I was nine.

I am talking about putting down on paper (or on your phone) your raw heart, getting vulnerable with yourself, jotting down what your
 learning, your struggles that day, your joys, sorrows and your triumphs! 

I don't journal as often as I should. But I am always super thankful that I did later on. Journaling is a super powerful way to process
what God is doing in your life, and heart. It's also very eye opening to go back and reread your old journal entries.

I've kept a journal from every past mission trip I've been on. 

It's amazing to look back upon your growth, and all of the things the Lord has faithfully

 brought you through!

If you don't journal now, I highly encourage you to start!

8. Dreaming.

"I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly!"

John 10:10

This last one may not make any sense to anyone but me and Jesus, and thats okay.

Like I said earlier, your relationship with Christ is unique to you, and you alone!

But for me, it's so awesome!

This is one of my favorites ways to be with Jesus.

 This looks different every time.

For example, the night before new years eve, this past winter. Jesus just asked me to sit with him and dream big, huge, abundant things for my life in 2014!

Then one time, it was dreaming up a vivd story of Christ Jesus redeeming me, as I was a poor woman out on the streets  covered in rags, then being transformed into a radiant princess, standing in the throne room of God almighty.

Once you fall in love with Jesus, spending time with him daily stops being a chore, or just another thing to add to the daily check list. 

It's something you long for.

It's something you need to fully live!

It will change your life forever, in the most beautiful, and glorious way possible.

"Bring me the sacrifice of your time: a most precious commodity. In this action-addicted world,  few of my children take time to sit quietly in my presence. But for those who do, blessingsflow like streams of living water. I, the one from who all blessings flow, am also blessed by our time together. This is a deep mystery; do not try to fathom it. Instead, glorify Me by delighting in me. Enjoy Me, now and forever!"

-Jesus Calling {August 2nd}

   

   

   

I'm packing for Indiana…What?!

I'm packing for Indiana…What?! 

I kept waking up in the middle of the night.

 This isn't normal for me. When the lights are out, so is Brook. See ya in the morning!  

But it kept happening night after night...

I know that my God is faithful. I know that he can provide. 

 But I was getting overwhelmed. Fundraising for CGA was starting to stress me out. 

But these feelings crept back in ever so slowly, I didn't ever realize that they were there.

Then one night I woke up at 3am, and my brains first reaction was to panic, stress, and try to figure out how I was going to get this accomplished.

But I refused. 

I gave it to God.

Then I immediately fell back into a peaceful sleep.

That following day, I got a text from an unknown number. 

Long story short, a family friend offered me a job.

But not just any job. She is literally making this job up for me. (What?!)

And she's invited me to stay in the guest room of her home, to stay with her and her family, in Indiana. 

As a means to raise some money for my discipleship program at CGA. 

She is one of the most amazing women that I have ever had the honor of knowing,

and I am so excited for the time that I'll be spending with her. 

She has been more then an angel about everything already, and I haven't even gotten there yet!

So, as the kingdom kid that I am. I quit my other job early, and I'm packing up, and moving on down!

This is the most unbelievable offer to me. My mind is blown (again). All glory to Jesus… 

He made this crazy big dreamer, yet he just loves to open up the floodgates of heaven, and bless me with things better then I could have ever imagined!   

The plan for now is two weeks down there, and we'll see from there.

 I leave Sunday afternoon!

So there is the quick update on my crazy good life. Stay tuned for more to come!

Blessings!

-Brookie

  Kingdom kid.