Arise, my love

Arise, my love.

I recently came across a quote, and it made me shutter inside.

“We live like zombies.

 We wake up,

 carry out habits,

and go to sleep.

Only to wake up

 and do it again.

You exist,

but do you feel alive?”.

“This isn’t right!” I wanted to scream. This is not how Abba has created us to live, walking around like zombies?  But when I took a step back, this is how the vast majority of us live. I look at our families, our city, our nation, and my heart breaks. We walk around this earth tired, hurting, broken. It’s as though we drift through this life asleep.

I look back at my own life, and remember. I remember the emptiness of boring, daily routines. I felt like it was slowly killing me. I could be around people all day, but still feel so alone. My days were filled with small talk. People at work asking “how are you?” as I passed them in the hallways. They never even stopped walking. 

I knew Jesus. I had a relationship with him. He kept calling me to go deeper with him, and I kindly put him in a box,  holding him at a comfortable length. Where I didn’t have to surrender anything, and I still held all of the control. I felt like I was in a season of waiting. Waiting for what? I didn’t really know. But I knew that there had to be more. I felt like one of the disney princesses, waiting around for my life to begin.

Then, I fell madly in love with Jesus. His love for me lead me to surrender, and from that surrender came freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom. 

He kissed my forehead and awakened my soul.

Now I am fully alive! I have daily adventures, just by being with him. I know exactly who I am. I grasp the royalty that I am, as His daughter. I live in freedom and grace. I glow with the radiance he gives. I shine under the delight he bestows upon me. I know the love he has for me. 

Then, this morning, I was reading one of my favorite passages of scripture. It comes from Isaiah 60 and it reads;

“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.

Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn…

 Then you will look and be radiant,
    your heart will throb and swell with joy.

Papa showed me something that I hadn’t paid any special attention to before. His first call is to arise. Wake up sleeper! It’s the gentle and loving kiss on your forehead from your daddy, as your all snuggled up in your own comforts. He’s calling you to get up! Get out of this zombie funk you’ve fallen into. 

Awaken your soul to His love. Awaken your spirit to live this life! Then, oh only then dear one will you shine. Because His light has come, its here! 

Can’t you hear him?

 “Arise, my love. It’s time to awaken, it’s time to live”.

    

When I don't feel worthy

When I don't feel worthy

One of the crazy things about God is that he doesn't ever leave us. Through all the messes, mistakes, sins, failures and crap, He is still right there with us. 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" -Hebrews 13:5

The thing is, we leave Him.

I messed up. But not only that, I knew that it was wrong, and I did it anyways. 

The next couple of days roll around, and instead of following that loving tug on my heart to go and spend time with Jesus, I blow it off. I harden my heart, and go about my day.

Inside, I'm miserable. I'm hurting and broken. I'm vulnerable, and I start listening to satan's lies. and worst of all, I just really miss Jesus. My soul feels parched, and my spirit is weary. I just wanna be with Him.

But I don't feel worthy to be with Him.

I feel condemned. I feel like he's disappointed and angry with me. (I'm listening to lies, remember?). I went and put myself back into the bondage of sin. I listen, as satan twists verses of His holiness, and righteous anger, and I shudder inside. My heart longs for my Papa Abba. But I keep my distance. I'm unknowingly punishing myself. I deserve this hurt, and loneliness. 

All the while, He's calling out to me "Beloved, come back to me".

But all I see are my sin covered hands.

One afternoon, I was helping my mom watch a group of the most precious little girls, whom are super dear to my heart. The youngest had just had her first birthday, and I was playing on the living room floor with her. There was a big fan on the floor opposite me. She kept trying to craw to it, wanting to stick her tiny little fingers into the fast, rotating blades. I knew that doing so would hurt her, so I did everything I could to keep her from having to experience that pain. To her though, see was captivated by it, and it looked like a fun thing to do. After blocking her path, and picking her up to move her away, my beloved whisper to my heart,

"Daughter. Do you now love her any less? Do you no longer want to spend time with her because of her foolishness?"

I look down at this small child on my lap, with her big blue eyes glistening, and her face lit up with a big grin.

His grace hit me like the rush of a mighty river. Still he loves me. Loves me unlike anything in this universe can and ever will. Still he pursues me. Still he longs for me. Still he delights in me, and rejoices in me. 

Because I have been redeemed through the blood of Jesus Christ my Savior.

He sees me as holy, righteous and pure. Even when I feel like the very opposite of those things. 

The only thing stopping me, was me. I had confessed, He had forgiven me. I just hadn't forgiven myself. I allowed myself to stay away from my beloved. I did what satan wanted for me, and I stayed away, believing the lie that I was unworthy. 

The Lord brought me to these very powerful truths in His word, and I wanna challenge you to read them, and examine your own hearts. 

Are you avoiding being with the Lord, in the most intimate and beautiful way, because of your own guilt and shame? Because he's calling you back to Him. Run into His waiting, open arms.

"I formed you; you are my servant; you will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud, and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:21-22

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you" -Jeremiah 31:3

"remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18-19

"He will raise up your ruins… He will fulfill your purpose… He will go before you… He calls you by name… He equips you… He will make level all your ways… You are saved by an ever lasting salvation… Turn to Him and be saved." Isaiah 44, 45.